It has been several months since we last posted some of the dozens of Letters to the Editor.  Let’s
play a little catch up and see what the folks in cyber land were thinking…

Ways to Solve the Middle East problems
Editor:  This should be good

It seems to me that every time you turn on the TV, there is a report of another car suicide
bomber.  My initial thought was that this practice over time, would wean itself out.  I mean, how
many suicide bombers could there be, right?  Then I read the piece on Whitey’s Pub by Dr.
Hariri. It appears as if we’ve got a long way to go to run out of idiot terrorist suicide bombers, so
how about this?

No driving in Iraq, unless you are a member of the security team.  Park all cars in their mud
garages and hang up the keys.  Any vehicle on the roadway (or dirt paths) would be either a US
military vehicle, an Iraqi Police vehicle.  Any business related vehicles would have to be
inspected first before venturing out, and escorted by the above.  No transient motorcars, no
douche bag bombers.  What the hell did they do over there before cars were introduced in 1985
anyway?

Name
Editor:  This idea is actually going to be implemented in some fashion during the first Iraqi
elections.

Gaza
Ever since I was a kid, I watched on the Nightly News reports kids, teenager, old men throwing
stones at police and military.  Kind of like bringing a knife to a gunfight I always thought.  Then
I was recently in my back yard cleaning up after my dog (not shit, but all the rocks he’s dug
up…  and some shit too), and this idea came to mind.  What if Israel implemented this simple
law?  No stones in Palestine.  None.  Every able-bodied hate barer would have to work several
hours a day picking up every stone throwable.  All these stones could help to build 203920349.

Open Letter to Osama
Dear O’Douchebag,

Let’s play devils advocate here for a moment.  Let’s just say that whatever the hell you’re
fighting for/against, whatever, is solved.  Let’s say the rest of the planet caves in to whatever
your demands are.  Then what?

Do you really think the terrorism will end?  Do you really think that even you, oh great
Oh'douchebag can convince your fellow sand hoodlums to lay down their arms and live
peacefully? My feeling is that you cannot.  My feeling is that you may have been able to start the
car moving, but don’t have the brakes to stop it.  With that said, how powerful are you really?

You see Mr. O’Urinal, you’ve aligned yourself with the devil, or whatever you want to call him.  
There is no appeasing the ravenous souls of your hedon friends.  Not even you can end the jihad
you’ve begun, and in the end it will be your own people that will take your life.  Sometimes, you
get more than you ask for, asshole.

George W’s Crow and SS

Wake Up America
Tittgate continues to cast its lumpy shadow over the very fiber of our country.  Since Janet
Jackson exposed her silicon enhancement, we’ve had television networks not air certain
programming for fear of litigation (American’s favorite legal lottery).  The Terrel Owens
commercial outrage, the rejected Andy Rooney Super Bowl commercial, and now the pixelating of
a cartoons rear end.  When will it end?

If you are one of the offended, you need to step up to the mic and defend your position.  
Otherwise, shut the hell up and keep your Puritan views to yourself!  We all know you’re the
most perverted and sick mother*&#$’s around anyway!

Enough already!
2005's First Editorials
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