Why Won’t This Work?
With November now over, we can look back at a couple of things that we’d like
answers to. Actually, it’s not really answers we’re looking for, moreover reasons
as to why the two possibilities wouldn't’t work in today’s America.
When you think of November, you think of Election Day and Turkeys. Often
times those two are confused. As I walked out of the election booth last month, I
was delighted for two different reasons. First and most importantly, it feels good
to vote. Voting is one of our greatest rights in this country. Lots of people decide
to not take advantage of the freedoms so many before us have died to protect. I
say, “screw em- that just makes my vote count even more.”
The second reason I was happy LEAVING the booth was that I knew very shortly
all the election gibberish would be over with. No more radio commercials telling
me that Joe Blow’s opponent voted against slippers for pets or is pro-weapons of
mass destruction. No more stupid lawn signs in blue and red. It’s all said and
done with for at least another ten months.
There are obvious problems with our system however in the name of campaign
reform. The lack of any decent legislation is like a foul stench in the fridge. Any
group powerful enough in this country can donate the funds to the guy that will
say yes to them if elected. The same way an expensive defense bought OJ an
acquittal, the best man for the job is often overlooked if his ads don’t run during
prime time.
We at the Pub have a fix.
First of all we need to set up an Election Budget for the presidential election. No
private monies accepted. None. With the allotted budget, 3-5 final candidates
divvy up the dough. In order to receive these federal dollars you must participate
in all three presidential debates, which will be aired on TV free of charge to
American citizens.
Same deal on the state and local scene. Debates will be the key to getting out your
message. Three debates are also the key. The first debate will see each candidate
answering questions from a panel of three journalists (of which no more than two
can be affiliated of the same party). The second debate will allow each candidate
to promote their message and rebut the message of their opponent from the
previous debate. The third and final debate will future hash out points of
interests, with the panel concluding the event with their concerns and praise of
each candidates strengths and weaknesses.
All this stuff will be put on DVD, edited by topic, and made available to every
voter who puts in the time to go vote, via touch screen and other available
technologies. You simply go in, check the table of contents for the issues
important to you, click on each candidate’s response, and see if the expert
panelists think it’s a possibility. With all the tax free donations coming into the
central “Campaign Reform” account, any American with a voter card can have
one mailed to you in advance courtesy of AOL and their free 1000 hours of shitty
Internet service CD, or by simply logging on with a DSL line to www.CleanPolitics.
org.
By the way, this shouldn't’t be allowed to be discussed and voted on by our
politicians. Let’s keep the wolves away from the hen house for a change, if what
we really want is indeed, a change...
***********************************************************************
Since 911 the airlines have taken a beating. Layoffs by the thousands have tricked
down to most Americans in some form or another. People are still either afraid to
fly for their safety, or don’t what to be bothered by the hassle of endless lines at
airports. Many see this as the demise our air travel industry. We at the Pub say it’
s a great opportunity to create a whole new airline industry.
Welcome to Air Whitey! Your carry on luggage will be inspected as you enter our
terminal, but we guarantee the wait to be no longer than ten minutes, or the
drinks are on us! Our flights will be 100% safe! We can assure you that all
checked luggage will pose no threat, because there will be NO checked luggage!
That’s right, you will not fly with anything you can’t see. Here’s how it works...
Prior to your departure an Air Whitey representative will come to your home and
pick up checked luggage. If you decide not to bring anything else, we’ll give you
10% off your flight. From there, your luggage will fly with other baggage to your
final destination and be waiting for you when you arrive with your fellow
passengers (by the way, Air Whitey is going to offer more seats with all the free
space, further reducing the cost
It’s all a matter of organization and logistics. Luggage planes will make for great
training to new pilots. Crazy Arabs terrorists will have many better things to do
with their time than to make a statement of blowing up your underwear.
Come one come all. No waits, free food, and fly knowing your stuff isn't’t going
to kill you or the annoying man in seat 17 C! It’s a can’t miss. Air Whitey... We
care about you and your stuff!
With November now over, we can look back at a couple of things that we’d like
answers to. Actually, it’s not really answers we’re looking for, moreover reasons
as to why the two possibilities wouldn't’t work in today’s America.
When you think of November, you think of Election Day and Turkeys. Often
times those two are confused. As I walked out of the election booth last month, I
was delighted for two different reasons. First and most importantly, it feels good
to vote. Voting is one of our greatest rights in this country. Lots of people decide
to not take advantage of the freedoms so many before us have died to protect. I
say, “screw em- that just makes my vote count even more.”
The second reason I was happy LEAVING the booth was that I knew very shortly
all the election gibberish would be over with. No more radio commercials telling
me that Joe Blow’s opponent voted against slippers for pets or is pro-weapons of
mass destruction. No more stupid lawn signs in blue and red. It’s all said and
done with for at least another ten months.
There are obvious problems with our system however in the name of campaign
reform. The lack of any decent legislation is like a foul stench in the fridge. Any
group powerful enough in this country can donate the funds to the guy that will
say yes to them if elected. The same way an expensive defense bought OJ an
acquittal, the best man for the job is often overlooked if his ads don’t run during
prime time.
We at the Pub have a fix.
First of all we need to set up an Election Budget for the presidential election. No
private monies accepted. None. With the allotted budget, 3-5 final candidates
divvy up the dough. In order to receive these federal dollars you must participate
in all three presidential debates, which will be aired on TV free of charge to
American citizens.
Same deal on the state and local scene. Debates will be the key to getting out your
message. Three debates are also the key. The first debate will see each candidate
answering questions from a panel of three journalists (of which no more than two
can be affiliated of the same party). The second debate will allow each candidate
to promote their message and rebut the message of their opponent from the
previous debate. The third and final debate will future hash out points of
interests, with the panel concluding the event with their concerns and praise of
each candidates strengths and weaknesses.
All this stuff will be put on DVD, edited by topic, and made available to every
voter who puts in the time to go vote, via touch screen and other available
technologies. You simply go in, check the table of contents for the issues
important to you, click on each candidate’s response, and see if the expert
panelists think it’s a possibility. With all the tax free donations coming into the
central “Campaign Reform” account, any American with a voter card can have
one mailed to you in advance courtesy of AOL and their free 1000 hours of shitty
Internet service CD, or by simply logging on with a DSL line to www.CleanPolitics.
org.
By the way, this shouldn't’t be allowed to be discussed and voted on by our
politicians. Let’s keep the wolves away from the hen house for a change, if what
we really want is indeed, a change...
***********************************************************************
Since 911 the airlines have taken a beating. Layoffs by the thousands have tricked
down to most Americans in some form or another. People are still either afraid to
fly for their safety, or don’t what to be bothered by the hassle of endless lines at
airports. Many see this as the demise our air travel industry. We at the Pub say it’
s a great opportunity to create a whole new airline industry.
Welcome to Air Whitey! Your carry on luggage will be inspected as you enter our
terminal, but we guarantee the wait to be no longer than ten minutes, or the
drinks are on us! Our flights will be 100% safe! We can assure you that all
checked luggage will pose no threat, because there will be NO checked luggage!
That’s right, you will not fly with anything you can’t see. Here’s how it works...
Prior to your departure an Air Whitey representative will come to your home and
pick up checked luggage. If you decide not to bring anything else, we’ll give you
10% off your flight. From there, your luggage will fly with other baggage to your
final destination and be waiting for you when you arrive with your fellow
passengers (by the way, Air Whitey is going to offer more seats with all the free
space, further reducing the cost
It’s all a matter of organization and logistics. Luggage planes will make for great
training to new pilots. Crazy Arabs terrorists will have many better things to do
with their time than to make a statement of blowing up your underwear.
Come one come all. No waits, free food, and fly knowing your stuff isn't’t going
to kill you or the annoying man in seat 17 C! It’s a can’t miss. Air Whitey... We
care about you and your stuff!
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